That’s right, bitches, I am back on the raw train once again. Mr. Ice Cream Man visited work today. An email was sent to inform us all when he arrived. I read it and shrugged, then went back to doing my work.

Now see, that is big. I was getting concentration camp skinny—or so they said. So I started including some foods that I had stopped eating. One thing leads to another and I am ordering pizzas and all kinds of shit that I had previously sworn off.

But now… now I am a NEW man. A focused man. A man with resolve. For some strange reason, I’m over it. Maybe it is the general crappiness I have been feeling lately but I have passed that point where I can’t say no to something. I just blew off free ice cream. (That is ice cream that you don’t pay for. So not having any money in my pocket isn’t a reason not to eat it.)

“Would you like some ice cream?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? It’s FREE ice cream.”

“No. No ice cream for me, thanks.”

I am not going to be a food nazi like before, but I do intend to make far better choices and think more about what I am eating. I know I will feel better.

It is worthy of mentioning, although it may be of no concern to you, that the ButtonMonkey is at the lightest weight he has been in years and still steadily losing. The wife and I have been consuming raw organic fruits and vegetables and nothing else. That’s right, children, nothing cooked.

Bread?

Nope.

Popcorn?

No. Raw. Fruits. And. Vegetables.

Steamed?

Nope. Not steamed. Steamed isn’t raw. I said raw; as in the way it grew right up out of the dirt.

I didn’t intentionally set out to lose weight or anything like that at all. It’s a bi-product of eating this way. Mrs. ButtonMonkey decided she was going to start doing this and I followed suit to make it simpler. I am one of those people that feel food is to sustain, not entertain, so it isn’t hard for me to do. And as a bonus, it will help me in my lifelong ambition to become an underwear model.

And one more thing… don’t tell me I need protein or I will punch you in your fucking nose. After all, I didn’t tell you to put down the pie.