A chronicle of one man’s journey taking Pro Solution Pills. (They were voted #1 penis enlargement pill on the net. That’s funny... I was voted number one thirty-something guy in Florida who calls himself ButtonMonkey on the net. I also really hate the term net, too, morons.)
For some reason—and maybe it’s the pessimist in me talking—I don’t expect to see great things from this experiment.
Posted around 05 PM on 2003-08-27 Permanent link
Possibly overheard:
“Oh just come home—you know you want to pack my box.”
Posted around 01 PM on 2003-08-26 Permanent link
In viewing the Movable Type Activity Log, I have noticed people are looking for some strange shit with that little search box on the left. I have seen searches for:
These queries have further cemented my belief that this site is frequented by scholars and intellectual types.
Posted around 09 AM on 2003-08-26 Permanent link
From an interview with Clint Eastwood on Schwarzenegger’s politcal aspirations:
“The sex life thing and all that stuff may backfire if the Democrats try to push it, because we heard so much about it from Clinton and people may just say, ‘Give me a break already.’ If the tabloids say Arnold had an affair with a German shepherd or something, I don't know if people will pay much attention. The tabloids will be all over his past, but the majority of the people who read the tabloids probably don't vote.”
Make sure you read that German shepherd part in your best Clint Eastwood voice.
Posted around 08 AM on 2003-08-26 Permanent link
Today was the last day PublixDirect will be delivering groceries. That sucks. I loved PublixDirect.
Posted around 08 PM on 2003-08-23 Permanent link
Take the advancements of the last fifty years and compare the technology to things that would have been thought of as witchcraft or wizardry a few hundred years ago. There are devices that let you store an entire library in a containter that is roughly the size of a single book. There are devices that allow instantaneous, face-to-face, visual conversation with a person on the other side of the planet—if they even happen to be on the planet (we are no longer bound to it anymore.) There are tiny little gadgets that allow you to send the contents of your letter—something that used to take months—almost as quickly as you can think it. Don’t feel like writing your message down? That’s okay too, you can just call them up on that same little piece of plastic that you are carrying around in your pocket.
This thought was inspired by Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans—magical works of modern day alchemists. In a bag of these magical beans, grass tastes like grass—whether that is magic or chemistry is inconsequential—the perception is that you just ate grass. Magic.
Posted around 11 AM on 2003-08-21 Permanent link
Never saw the morning ’til I stayed up all night
Never saw the sunshine ’til I turned out the light
Never saw my home town ’til I stayed away too long
I never heard the melody ’til I needed the songNever saw the white line ’til I was leavin’ you behind
Never knew I needed you ’til I was caught up in a bind
And I never spoke I love you ’til I cursed you in vain
Never felt my heart strings until I nearly went insaneNever saw the East coast until I moved to the West
I never saw the moonlight ’til it shone off your breast
And I never saw your heart ’til someone tried to steal it away
Never saw your tears ’til they rolled down your faceI never saw the morning ’til I stayed up all night
Never saw the sunshine ’til you turned out the light
Never saw my home town ’til I stayed away too long
I never heard the melody ’til I needed the song
From San Diego Serenade as recorded by Tom Waits
Posted around 10 AM on 2003-08-21 Permanent link
From an email:
How to talk to a woman so she will want to sleep with you in minutes.
How to turn the female’s relentless trait of curiosity into a weapon that drives her to you like a super-charged leopard.
How to pick up sensational ladies without even trying.
The single most important secret of scoring with any type of girl.
An easy method to seduce women over the internet and personal ads which attract women like wildfire.
The key to becoming totally irresistible to any woman... instantly!
WARNING! Do not enter now unless you absolutely want to discover secret mind blowing techniques GUARANTEED to get you what YOU REALLY WANT from women.
It sounds like a one stop shop for losers. (I had no idea you could hypnotize women via the Internet and personal ads... I always assumed you had to actually be there to do it.)
Posted around 04 PM on 2003-08-20 Permanent link
Jaguar tachometer - F22, 10 seconds, zooming with the shutter open.
Posted around 09 AM on 2003-08-17 Permanent link
Oh, say it ain’t so. Say it ain’t so.
Elite Force Aviator: George W. Bush - U.S. President and Naval Aviator - 12" Action Figure
It’s just so wrong.
Posted around 11 PM on 2003-08-15 Permanent link
Mr. Henderson is back in his sweet home of Alabama listening to crickets chirp and writing a novel. He has updated his slighty schizophrenic website/magazine/journal with a clean and simple look—probably a direct result of his new old surroundings.
Now I have a place to crash if I want to drive myself mad with the sounds of amphibian lovemaking.
Posted around 12 PM on 2003-08-15 Permanent link
Damn! People in Germany obviously get absolutely crazy when they are drunk.
Your Honor, I would like to introduce into evidence these two articles: People’s Exhibit A and People’s Exhibit B.
Posted around 11 AM on 2003-08-15 Permanent link
Did anyone else notice in the Grand Poobah of the Evil Empire’s address to the nation last night that he resembled an animatronic puppet from Chuck E. Cheese? He would pause at odd times during his speech as if trying to decipher the glyphs his speechwriters drew in Pictionary for simple words like blackout. I am having a hard time not imagining him as some kind of cheap, computerized, talking head in a new board game that clumsily speaks the words that are assembled on the board in front of it.
I take solace in knowing the reign of his evil regime is coming to an end—unless he is somehow miraculously able to Wag the Dog once again.
Posted around 09 AM on 2003-08-15 Permanent link
There are paint smears on everything I own
The vapor rub is lying on a table of filth
Christmas cards to which I never reply
My eyeballs absorb only blue filtered lightTV casualty, TV casualty
We’re alright
TV casualty, TV casualtyI wish they’d put Prince Namor on the tube
Hold on, I think I have to puke
There’s a spot in the corner where I always go
I like to feed the flies that I knowBut please don’t feed my television screen
Please don’t feed my television screen
Please don’t feed my television screen
Please don’t feed my television screenTV casualty, TV casualty
We’re alright
TV casualty, TV casualtyBabies in prison, they call it a womb
Nine months sentence, no parole
Slivers of steel stuck in your lungs
Breathe deep, we need a donor for bloodJaguars at the cemetery
Cadillacs grazing at your grave
Zeniths grazing at your grave
Sonys grazing at your graveTV casualty, TV casualty
We’re alright
TV casualty, TV casualty
We’re alright
TV casualty, TV casualty
TV Casualty by The Misfits
Posted around 10 AM on 2003-08-14 Permanent link
The second image is a precursor to his aspirations at becoming the Larry Flynt of the plant world.
All images are clickable and will load a 1024x768 version of themselves. Some are quite hefty. (Around 700 K.)
Posted around 04 PM on 2003-08-11 Permanent link
I've added another photo/wallpaper thing. If I had to pick a name for this photo of a tiny white flower, I think I would call it Innocence.
Please feel free to download it and make your desktop a prettier place. It will make all of your co-workers jealous, especially Ethel in Accounts Receivable. You know that bitch wants everything you have.
Posted around 04 PM on 2003-08-05 Permanent link
