Did you ever wonder what happened to the Church Lady from Saturday Night Live? Well, I believe she is running her own site now!New versus at cubadust - check it.
Posted around 11 AM on 2001-05-31 Permanent link
BuromiSan vs. irishkiddxx (Warning - contains colorful language.)
Posted around 06 PM on 2001-05-29 Permanent link
Jay Donaldson's Phone Phun here and here.
Posted around 11 AM on 2001-05-29 Permanent link
What I Did on My Summer Vacation
Posted around 10 AM on 2001-05-29 Permanent link
More fun with BuromiSan...
Buromi47San (07:59:45): Yo!
bvogelweb (08:00:00): who dis?
Buromi47San (08:00:07): why are you such a dickless machine-shafting uncle-reamer, huh?
bvogelweb (08:00:21): uhhhhhhhhhh
Buromi47San (08:00:28): Is EVERYONE in your family this much of a degraded window-holstering tuba-rocking oven-hanging acid-whaler??
bvogelweb (08:00:56): what's a window-holster?
Buromi47San (08:01:08): God damn, you're such a acne-covered scab-eating ogre-whacking ghetto-sucker sometimes!
Buromi47San (08:01:51): Man, even your mom thinks you're a slutty Pokemon-banging stump-smoking horse-holsterer...that's low.
bvogelweb (08:02:23): yes, I do enjoy a good Pokemon bang from time-to-time
Posted around 09 AM on 2001-05-29 Permanent link
EPS versions of almost every logo known to man. If they don't have it, maybe these folks will.
Designers Drug - a Flash-based photography site. Very nice.
South Florida's own Rony Tako is generic.
Posted around 08 AM on 2001-05-29 Permanent link
I love Cardigan and Textism. Mr. Allen is my hero and he should be your hero as well. Worship him. Make him your idol.
Posted around 10 PM on 2001-05-28 Permanent link
Upon inspecting my new Sony Handycam DCR-TRV530 I noticed the 700X digital zoom feature which will give me the ability to read a book in my neighbors apartment (provided I have someone to turn the pages), see the outer reaches of the universe or read the minds of people in a fifty foot radius of me. The Super NightShot 0 Lux feature will allow me to do all of these things in total darkness which leads me to believe this is less a camcorder and more a piece of espionage hardware.
Posted around 05 PM on 2001-05-28 Permanent link
Have a little fun with the AOL Instant Messenger insult-bot at the BuromiSan Dispatch Center. I know I did...
Buromi113San (18:54:08): whacked out Pope-jacker!!
Posted around 08 PM on 2001-05-26 Permanent link
Check out Jeb's 4 shades of gray. All of the photography on the site is from a GameBoy camera. Very unique indeed.
Jeb emailed me and said he steals my links so I'm stealing one of his - ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the best paper airplane in the world. I'm gonna go build me one!
Posted around 11 AM on 2001-05-26 Permanent link
My Pet Skeleton is the site of illustrator/genius Vincent Marcone and it is definitely worth a glance.
Posted around 07 AM on 2001-05-25 Permanent link
Overhearing another person's conversation can be unsettling, especially if it becomes apparent that the person you are listening to is mentally deficient.
Posted around 12 PM on 2001-05-24 Permanent link
'Tis monsoon season here in south Florida and I must say, I rather like it.
Posted around 05 PM on 2001-05-22 Permanent link
Well pale face said
To the eyeball Kid
She just goes clank and boom and steam
A halo, wings, horns and a tail
Shoveling coal inside my dreams
There are no laws
She's made of cream
She's such a scream
Qui bon tres bien, nails in cement
A Donnie gal from mortal clay
The plow is red
The well is full inside
The dollhouse of her skull
A cheetah coat fills up with steam
She's such a scream
All crooked lines
Her fireplace
A milktrain so clean
Machine gun haste
You'll ride the only wall of shame
And drag that chain across the state
Her lips are red
She is the queen
She's such a scream
From Tom Waits' Such A Scream
Posted around 04 PM on 2001-05-22 Permanent link
The Moon-Saturn conjunction could have some effect on you today. You may find your confidence waning. If this is the case, it would be wise to try and understand why this is so. Has something upset you recently, leaving you feeling vulnerable or insecure? Have you experienced a failure or a loss? These things can really take your self-confidence down in a hurry. Yet, by recognizing why you feel this way, you can set about building your esteem back up where it should be.
I knew I felt my confidence waning. It is that damned Moon-Saturn conjunction again. Everytime I get up, that damned Moon-Saturn conjunction brings me back down..
Posted around 12 PM on 2001-05-22 Permanent link
A driving rain just fell and washed all of the bird excrement off of the window that was fouling up my beautiful lake view. (There is a lesson in there somewhere.)
Posted around 01 PM on 2001-05-21 Permanent link
I just wanted to be able to optimize my hard drive, that's all. Just a little optimization, nothing more, nothing less. I cannot optimize the drive that I need to because the system files reside on this drive. I cannot boot from the CD as recommended because for some reason it is not recognized as it should be.
I have been reading some user forums and it appears I am not alone in this, however comforting that is.
The computer industry, as a whole, seems to be littered with incompetence running rampant. Now that I have vilified my sole source of income I will shut up now.
Posted around 12 PM on 2001-05-21 Permanent link
Not fully comprehending the weight of the situation, he carried about as if nothing was wrong.
"Do you feel it yet?" the old man asked.
"Feel what?" he replied looking in askance.
"The quickening," the old man shot back. "You will feel it."
Posted around 08 PM on 2001-05-20 Permanent link
and she's lucky to be alive
the doctor whispered to the nurse
she only lost a 1/2 pint of blood
$29.00 and an alligator purse
From Tom Waits' $29.00
Posted around 02 PM on 2001-05-20 Permanent link
People have accused him of having a superiority complex, and usually, he will vehemently deny any such thing. And then there were days like today - days where he felt like he was on a different plane of existence than most of these lobotomized, pithless drones. It is not that he thinks that he is so extremely smart, it is quite the opposite - many of the people in his daily dealings are just so extremely unintelligent.
It is about time for him to get that "Born To Suffer" tattoo he has always wanted.
Posted around 11 AM on 2001-05-20 Permanent link
Internet Hoaxes and Other Tomfoolery
Nah. I don't even want to start down that path.
The Keys To Successful Pirating
Nah. That one either...
My Days With the Unintelligencia - A Memoir
Hmmmmm.
Posted around 07 AM on 2001-05-20 Permanent link
The $20,000 Zig - All your smurf are belong to smurf.
Posted around 06 PM on 2001-05-19 Permanent link
Give a monkey a gun and someone is going to get killed. Give a an unintelligent receptionist an email client and you will want to kill yourself.
Leave me to my frustration now and go visit BitStreams from the Whitney Museum of American Art.
Posted around 11 AM on 2001-05-18 Permanent link
Format the chickens and perform a clean installation. Read some of the other stories at New Scientist as well. The headlines would indicate that every article has the potential to be equally disturbing/amusing.
Posted around 10 AM on 2001-05-18 Permanent link
Okay, so I am not the quickest on the block - I just watched gmunk's areocoagulum02. Hey, what can I say? I just got broadband, baby. Anyway, it is apparent that Mr. Grosh REALLY LOVES his coffee.
Posted around 07 PM on 2001-05-17 Permanent link
Did you ever wonder what happened to the Church Lady from Saturday Night Live? Well, I believe she is running her own site now!
Fighting the good fight against Satan's spawn: boy bands and Britney Spears. I must admit "The Dirty Little Secret about Rock's Teen Idols - What are The Backstreet Boys, N'Sync & Britney Spears really saying?" did give me a chuckle.
Oh wait, you mean that's not a joke?
Posted around 04 PM on 2001-05-17 Permanent link
Start each day with a deep cleansing breath while glancing lovingly at yourself in the bathroom mirror. On some days you may even give yourself a knowing, seductive wink. Flirting with one's self is a surefire way to ensure that you have the skills necessary to make other folks want to flirt with you.
Know that every person you come in contact with throughout the course of your day wants you. Men and women alike find you irresistible. Chad in the mailroom, Susan in accounts receivable, they all want you. You are an alluring specimen to behold, all shiny and new, at your most beautiful. Oozing self-confidence and flair, it is only a matter of time before the world sees what a true gem you really are.
Posted around 02 PM on 2001-05-17 Permanent link
Indulge yourself in Mr. Celsor's walk to work. It's the next best thing to being there.
Posted around 11 AM on 2001-05-17 Permanent link
What is up with this monkey-man? There is even a news segment on CNN about him/it.
How can people really be threatened by something called "monkey-man"? Couldn't they come up with a better name than that? Something perhaps a little more forboding and dangerous (and slightly anime) like Megalomonkeymon, Ultramonkeydon or Monkeedah. Then it would be more villainous and malignant sounding.
Crazy monkey indeed.
Posted around 11 PM on 2001-05-16 Permanent link
Posted around 05 PM on 2001-05-16 Permanent link
Busted? It wasn't me, I swear.
Posted around 03 PM on 2001-05-16 Permanent link
I am a better person today than I was yesterday. I am slowly coming to the realization that most of the time I am a complete asshole to people that are very important to me. Well, those things are about to change.
Posted around 08 AM on 2001-05-16 Permanent link
Today's prognosis is slightly brighter than the previous. The doctor is leaning more toward a condition known as post-streptococcal reactive arthropathy - an advanced strept infection that manifested itself as arthritis. I will be decreasing my steroid dosage in a week and decreasing it again the week after that. In the meantime, I have to have an echocardiogram to see if the aforementioned "alleged" infection caused any valvular disease in my heart.
Sounds glum you say? Not at all. A waning disease is far, far better than a lifelong, incurable one.
Posted around 08 PM on 2001-05-15 Permanent link
Finally, the bandwidth gods have smiled upon the Eaton family. Cable Internet service was installed this morning and, well, I wept.
Posted around 01 PM on 2001-05-15 Permanent link
The first tattoo example is online now in canvas. Meet flesh, an experiment in post-genetic dermal reengineering.
Posted around 08 AM on 2001-05-15 Permanent link
Why do some people feel the need to interject their uneducated, unwarranted and unwanted opinions about various design topics? If the opinion of a person that deals primarily with documentation were needed, it would be asked for. Get it?
Incorporating a sub-site into an already existing online application is not too daunting a task on it's own. After all, most of the look has already been defined. Dealing with all of the individual owners of the multiple parts that must be integrated together, however, can be hell on earth. Especially when the people involved cannot let go and have their portion of the project be "dressed up" to fit in. Do not email the designer with questions of margins and line spacing; those decisions were made months ago.
FrontPage does not a designer make.
Posted around 02 PM on 2001-05-14 Permanent link
There are some great sketches at preshaa.
And on a slightly different note, I wish I were crazy enough to try stuff like the like the electricheads at teslamania.com. Check out the photo gallery for some amazing high-voltage antics.
Posted around 01 PM on 2001-05-14 Permanent link
I am always listening to music - it is there, in the background, talking to me, changing the mood, setting the tone. Today I loaded my playlist up with Tom Waits. Today I discovered that there is nothing in this world as truthful and as honest as the sound of Tom Waits' voice. Nothing. It is the voice of some transient prophet sent straight from the wrong side of the tracks. It is a voice that conjurs visions of poorly lit whiskey bars and small town coffee shops - it's some powerful stuff, y'all.
nighthawks at the diner
of Emma's 49er, there's a rendezvous
of strangers around the coffee urn tonight
all the gypsy hacks, the insomniacs
now the paper's been read
now the waitress said
eggs and sausage and a side of toast
coffee and a roll, hash browns over easy
chile in a bowl with burgers and fries
what kind of pie?
In a graveyard charade, a late shift masquerade
2 for a quarter, dime for a dance
with Woolworth rhinestone diamond
earrings, and a sideway's glance
and now the register rings
and now the waitress sings
From Tom Waits' Eggs and Sausage (In a Cadillac with Susan Michelson)
Posted around 11 AM on 2001-05-14 Permanent link
Upon looking through old photos today, a few things became evident to me - I look much better with short hair, really bad with a beard, and my brother flips me off entirely too much.
What does this mean? Nothing more than an observation at this point. I had been toying around with the idea of shedding the hair and shaving but I just don't know if I feel comfortable looking like everyone else. It is as if cutting my hair off somehow shows that I have been assimilated or I have become a cog. I am not a cog.
I just may be the most obstinate bastard on Earth. I can think of few people that would disagree.
Posted around 07 PM on 2001-05-12 Permanent link
Finally, cable Internet service will be installed next week and I now have my work laptop (PC) running wirelessly on my home AirPort network.
Posted around 07 PM on 2001-05-11 Permanent link
I had four huge bottles (yeah, I said bottles) of blood sucked from my veins this morning. I am going to complain one last time and then I am finished. Promise.
Posted around 10 AM on 2001-05-11 Permanent link
New canvas. Meet Nike and Nuclear Medicine.
I suppose I should say something about the fact that I am aware I have been posting every little image I am creating without any regard as to whether it is good or not. I like just playing and throwing them on the server - no reviewing, no disection. I fully intend to continue this practice.
Posted around 03 PM on 2001-05-10 Permanent link
And on today's episode, the skeletal monkey.
So that was a bone scan. From what I read about the process, I am guessing that mine turned up inconclusive. There should be "hot spots" in the bone indicating a problem or inflammation of some type. I didn't see anything abnormal on the screen as the technician was finishing up the test - but I am no doctor.
I was, however, able to snag a copy of the film which will inevitably wind up being turned into something in canvas sometime in the near future.
Posted around 03 PM on 2001-05-09 Permanent link
New canvas - Integrity
Megan writes: Some shit about an accident that I will not even bother actually quoting...
Do I really need this? I keep asking myself that question everytime I receive one of these inane pieces of email from a co-worker. Why do some people feel compelled to email every person in a company and tell them things that most people probably do not care about hearing? I know I care less than most, which really magnifies the problem. This is just as bad as someone forwarding chain letters and email that will get you a free trip to Disney World or free money from Microsoft. Can I just shoot the messenger?
Posted around 05 PM on 2001-05-07 Permanent link
Paranoia - most days.
Posted around 03 PM on 2001-05-07 Permanent link
I have scorned and been scorned, everyone has. Something about your presence angers me. I feel it well up from deep within me at nothing more than the sound of your voice in a distant room. You are the antithesis of everything I consider humanity to be. I feel that you should know that I find your personality and demeanor as warm and as kind as a surgical steel scalpel on a tray in a freezing cold operating room. And your words and appearance are like an injection from a syringe that has been picked up from that same tray, ice cold running up the length of my arm.
If only there were some way to make you go away, some way to banish you from sight.
Damn, I feel much better now.
Posted around 02 PM on 2001-05-07 Permanent link
I have been drawing these since 1988. Here is one I hung on the wall at work. See wallstuff.
The "really disturbing in an epileptic sort of way" link of the day - watch it, then call a close friend for consolation.
The "where are they going with that" link of the day - read it and clutch your teddy bear.
Posted around 11 AM on 2001-05-07 Permanent link
What would I do if I weren't doing what I do? How would I live? Where would I be?
My brother made me think about these things last night. My brother drives a truck and my brother has decided that driving a truck is not exactly what he wants to do. Weeks away from home and the uncomfortable silences in the abscence of his family have helped him come to this conclusion. If it paid enough, he would like to deliver pizzas for a living because everyone is usually really happy to see the pizza guy.
My brother called looking for insight. I had none to offer. Like some teenage party thrower who was unable to get his older cousin to buy the beer - the guests arrived and I fell flat. Instead of offering up advice and ideas I began to tread the rising tides of introspection and self-evaluation. What would I do if I didn't like what I was doing? How would I get unstuck?
After this discussion, I began to think about what I would want to do if I weren't a Web designer. After almost no deliberation at all, I have decided I would be a tattoo artist. I have been a tattoo artist and if everything stopped working tomorrow and the Web was nothing more than a memory I would still be a designer - only I would be designing flesh pictures.
But what about my brother? What did he get out of it?
Posted around 10 AM on 2001-05-07 Permanent link
The weather today is superb. I have been hanging out on the balcony with my feet propped up enjoying the perfect temperature and humidity. Days like these can really bring a person out of a slump - no matter what ails you.
Terranysaurus (I spelled it that way on purpose...) Monkey will be headed back to the office tomorrow. I am assuming that at some point in time this week I will find out what has been wrong with me these past three weeks. I am hoping like hell it is not rheumatoid arthritis. Maybe something a little less permanent and a little more curable. Do I get a choice?
Posted around 05 PM on 2001-05-06 Permanent link
The monkey had five vials of blood taken this morning for thirteen separate tests. Tomorrow is chest x-ray and EKG. Wednesday is a bone scan. (I definitely want copies of that - how often do you get an opportunity to have a picture taken of your entire skeleton?)
I have been watching too much television while I have been stuck here in bed.
Posted around 09 PM on 2001-05-04 Permanent link
I am off to the lab that left me battered and bruised at the hands of two very unskilled vampire technicians with an uncanny ability to poke the needle right through my veins. Today they will need much more blood than last time so I will probably come out looking like a heroin addict and they will blame it on my, to quote the ER nurse that took my blood, "huge stable veins that are very easy to find" - only they will tell me I have rolling veins and blow out three or four. Joy.
Posted around 08 AM on 2001-05-04 Permanent link
Doctor: I could aspirate this area. Do you know what aspiration is?
Monkey: Yeah. I read up on all of this stuff. How big is the needle?
Doctor: About this big. [Holds finger and thumb up to show length.]
Monkey: No, I meant gauge. What gauge is the needle?
Doctor: Oh, it is a twenty gauge needle. Do you know how big a twenty gauge needle is?
Monkey: Yes, I do. Do you need this? Will it make some of the pain go away?
Doctor: No.
Monkey: Then hell no I don't want you sticking a twenty gauge needle in the top of my foot.
Posted around 07 AM on 2001-05-04 Permanent link
Doctor. More anti-inflammatory drugs. Rheumatologist on the tenth. I am only twenty-nine, something about this doesn't seem right.
Posted around 06 PM on 2001-05-02 Permanent link
Current physical status: Hobbled
Ankles: Swollen, sore
Feet: Swollen, sore
Wrists: Sore
Spirit: Broken
Whatever it was - it's back.
Posted around 07 AM on 2001-05-02 Permanent link
New |P|R|A|Y|S|T|A|T|I|O|N| - check it!
Posted around 03 PM on 2001-05-01 Permanent link
Baby Hope breaks tooth. Wife rushes to dentist.
Ankles hurt. Wrists hurt. Again.
At this point I am sure I have done something very bad to deserve this physical torment. I only wish I knew what it was so I could go back and savor it once more.
Posted around 01 PM on 2001-05-01 Permanent link
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that this page right here is flying without tables. :)
Posted around 12 PM on 2001-05-01 Permanent link
Many things have happened and yet things remain the same. I have had three different versions of this site and of course I had problems getting them to render the same way in most browsers.
The main problem seems to lie with IE5/Mac. IE5/Mac just happens to be the browser that I have been using most often and the browser that about thirty-five percent of the people visiting this site use as well. So I settled for this version although it was not the one I intended to use. This one was. (If you are using IE5/Mac and you refresh it a few times, eventually it will work.) However, that was not good enough. I couldn't very well just leave it hanging like that. If anyone has any suggestions as to where I went wrong, please email me.
Posted around 11 AM on 2001-05-01 Permanent link