From an email I recieved:
- If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a jug of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
- Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away!
- Don't buy expensive ribbed condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
- Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fish᾿s eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
- An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes a wonderful inexpensive vibrator.
- Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply pissing in the sink.
- High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
- A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
- If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.