“I can’t make it in today—my lycanthropy is flaring up.”

With classics like:

Fairy Tale #1: You’ve Got To Look Like a GQ Stud

Have you ever seen a beautiful woman with a guy that looks like he was a reject from some horror flick? Hasn’t that ever made you curious? My friend George, who is balding and overweight, looks like a cross between a Neanderthal and Homer Simpson. Yet he has a preference for long legged, athletic blondes. With techniques like the Move Duplicator I showed him, he now has two of them (and yes, they know about each other too.)

And:

Fairy Tale #3: You Just Have To Be Yourself

The worst advice someone can give you is to “be yourself”… afterall, where has just “being yourself” gotten you?

How can this program possibly steer you wrong?

Go! Transform Yourself Into a Pimp to Get Laid With Women™ now. The secrets of becoming a sexy alpha male await you.

So about those new iPods… Gwendolyn has the new 10GB iPod. She wanted to buy it for me but it went a little something like this:

1. Purchase iPod
2. Go out to car
3. Open iPod box in car
4. Turn on iPod
5. Play with new touch-sensitive controls
6. Present wife with new iPod

I prefer the old style with mechanical buttons and scrollwheel. Look, kiddies, if you are like me and prefer the old ones then get the 20 GB version for $294.95 at MacWarehouse. That very same iPod was $499 a few short weeks ago and is still listed between $400 and $450 at other retailers. Now don’t say your Uncle Monkey never helped you out.